Life with every breath. Life with every death.
With every death comes a new breath of life. Sure, you could find me under normal circumstances walking around telling my friends and family that this is true…and yet what is it about a death in your own family that can make you question what it is that you preach? I’m not sure, but I do know that a huge part of me has hit this brick wall since the 22nd of October when I lost my grandfather.
With this death I can look around and see new life within our own family…and yet there’s something inside of me that jealously wants to hold on to my grandfather’s life. And so I struggle to think of ways to tell myself that it’s all ok and that death is merely a part of life. It’s true, I know it. Still, it’s much tougher to swallow when it’s one of your own family members.
And so, over the past few days I’ve spent my time trying to focus on my own life…trying to reevaluate where I am and where my grandfather saw me going. The question arose: Am I where I want to be in my life? Have I digressed from my original plan, and if so, why?
This loss certainly has refocused the thoughts about my life. I’ve decided that I’m not challenging myself nearly as much as I was when I was in college…I’ve allowed myself to slip a little. Whether or not the slip was intentional is irrelevant. It still happened, and coming from someone who has always put 110% into everything he does, I feel like I’ve neglected the challenges that used to seem so easy to me.
I stayed at Circle Lanes to help them floor their fall leagues…and now that they’re floored and running smoothly, I am beyond wanting to be there anymore.
So in a sense, this is a rebirth…hence, with every death comes a new breath of life.
I found the connection in this very intriguing…and while the death of the sweetest man you’ll ever meet weighs heavy on my heart—the fact that it was a huge injustice—I can accept that Robert Frederick Libby lived life the way he wanted to…and that’s what matters. His death, above all else, has helped me to refocus myself and to really concentrate on the days ahead…because death’s inevitable…but what we do with ourselves can open airways and spark other breaths of life.
Think about it. It’s all about interconnectivity.
Death constructs life, life fabricates other life, life ends with death…repeat.
If you neglect challenges in your own life…what are you really doing?
Are you only hurting yourself? With the above theory in mind, could you be hurting others, too?
Do you suppose, as I do, that the best thing we can do in our short time on this earth is to always put our best foot forward, giving the maximum percentage to EVERYTHING we do?
Life with every breath. Life with every death.
Think about it.
In case you were wondering, I chose this picture because it was the most resistent. See, we had made picture boards for the day of the informal wake that we held...tons of pictures that really showed off the life of this amazing man. This picture, however, did not want to stay on the picture board. It seemed determined to make its presence known.
Now, I am not a believer in anything supernatural...no religious beliefs...nothing.
But when you, as I said, jealously want to hold onto someone, you manufacture ways to think they're around.
I found it very interesting, considering at our get together after the 'wake,' I was seated directly across from this picture.
Maybe I won't get them, but I do anticipate a lot of comments about this post.
posted by Rob @ 1:12 PM
4 comments
4 Comments:
I just wanted to say that I am sorry for your loss and joyed by your awakening. I am refreshed that you continue to approach challenges in life as opportunities and it is something that indeed I have continuously enjoyed about you and your friendship.
The oppisite of death is not life. It's birth. Life is its own with no oppisite. Love it and live it like there is no tomorrow. I am sorry for your lose and I am expierencing much of the same in my own family. Enjoy your new path with open eyes.
Our grandfather was a great man. And creating those picture boards was the hardest thing I have ever done as a human being. But it is interesting to note that in all the photo's with him, his arm was around someone in all of them.
After his death, I went on with my life the next day. Our grandfather would have wanted it that way. His life was full of activities. Despite the comments I recieved for going to school perhaps too early, I feel he would have wanted us to move on.
Our grandfather has the unique ability that we all desire, the ability to live forever; in our memories. I may not be able to see him, I can still feel his presence all around me. I can still hear his calls to our grandmother. He is more alive than ever.
I do agree with you, with his death I have felt an awakening as well. And there is no doubt that these upcoming holidays where we give thanks will be tough, tough times. But, the energy I felt in his service was something so profound; love. Our family united under this banner and I can only hope it remains that way.
We have learned our true strength as individuals these past weeks but more importantly we learned about the strength of our family.
You can't put a price on that.
Very recently many of those same thought have entered my head. The ones about not challenging myself and allowing myself to slip a little. Although nt nearly as recent as your experience, I too have taken much of this feeling from my grandfather who died...on Thanksgiving day a few years ago. I often find myself thinking about who he wanted me to be, what would make him proud and lately, in that I have also found that maybe I have also allowed myself to slip. Good post, thought provoking at least.
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